He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
