Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
