I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
