Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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