i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
