I think i peed on brittanys purse
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
