YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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