hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
