You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
