I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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