just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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