He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
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My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
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That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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