Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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