I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
