I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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