I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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