my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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