I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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