Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize