i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
