P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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