drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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