1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
