My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
