I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
