Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize