hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
