The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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