Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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