Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You pole danced in your parka.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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