Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
