if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
