I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
