Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
