fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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