It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize