Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
