Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
