I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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