He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
