I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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