I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
