yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
what day is it and did you see me today?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She swung at the pinata with crutches
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
3pm strippers are depressing
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
