How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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