I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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