Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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