I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
