hell yes lets make some ravioli
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
