that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Are we still banned from the library?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
