Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
