Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
