I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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