i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
