I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
