i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
