i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
