we have pet lesbian snakes
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
