First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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