She announced her abortion via fbk
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
